Okay, so what did I do today? Not much. Same as every other day (minus workday monotonous routine). But other than that…sleeping, eating, reading, browsing bookstores and libraries, spending way way too much money, daydreaming, “background” TV watching, etc, etc…
Things on my mind to let out:
– I’ve been wondering about the true cause of all this horrible abdominal, and ribs-back pain I have…doctors have been of little help to me. If I go back again…I will definitely be put into a hospital…I don’t want that…at all. So…I could potentially be making myself worse…but I just can’t do it (long story). Not sure anymore how to deal with it.
– I wonder about cause vs. effect. The food issues vs. digestion. Cause and effect…chicken and the egg phenomenon. Which one? Too blurry to know. I do know that I read a story recently about someone with tons of issues like mine (physical pain in the stomach and ribs and back, etc…turned out he was quite malnourished, etc…the body can catabolize and fold in on itself…things shut down…doesn’t matter about “visuals”….the body WILL retaliate…and some people escape fine and go about life normal again…and others can barely walk down the street…
– People don’t mess with food. Food is NOT the enemy…far, far better to be pudgy and “over” and eat whatever…then at any other extreme extreme end…it can lead to being “hunched”…it can lead to serious Chron’s, IBD, and other bowel problems (which I am fear I am steps away from …if not there…gulp)….it can lead to crippled legs and arthritic muscles, etc.
– I am not going to get in depth about my “situation”, but I will say this is such a battle/journey. YES, its been years…but I CHOOSE to forget the past….and move from this moment forward with positive gratitude….BUT, I need some “help” with the following: Just taking one daily short walk seems so so wrong…no matter how dire my situation…so how do I deal with this? Because I am like a turtle…and my progress is so, so slow…that if I do the “calculations”…I won’t be even near able to do any physical activity until 2012. Plus…
– I eat carbs…I do …I eat grains….etc, …In fact, I was in lots of pain last night…and yet that did not stop me from grabbing yet another muffin (carb-rich, protein-empty) early in the middle of the night…so, would you? Eat a lot of carbs, grains, ANYTHING, “bad” stuff (silly labels), ice cream, bread, etc…and these episodes are not out of hunger (i.e., like last night), but because I was suffering insomnia and inability to sleep due to the stomach pains…its not “normal” pains…its a “stitch”-knife-like feeling in my lower ribs that wraps around my back lower and upper…nothing seems to relieve it…its so uncomfortable…that all I want to do is lie down (literally) all the time…that does not relieve it, but nothing does, so…I swear I eat all the time…and yes I eat “healthy” on the majority…but come on people…I don’t want to be a martyr…I just don’t….
NONE of this makes sense…and TRUST me…I do not not not plan to write this stuff on this blog often…but gosh, its GOOD to just get it out…I would feel so much more “complete” if A) I didn’t have this extreme pain all the time, and B) I could exercise…seriously…
Thoughts?
Other stuff?
– I read a lot….but major time-suckers of mine? The TV, going for long drives, and computer….I know, I know…but maybe I should just “chill” and deal with it…maybe one day, it will all be different…maybe this is just me…maybe none of that is so freaking bad anyway…
Anyway, I’m off…I’ve seen so many good recipes around lately…I really think I’m going to try and start making more different items…may as well try new things…the trouble is that I’m never compelled when I have no “cooking’ space…seriously…its just a “one-room” fits all thing in my apartment and its literally without counter space…yay!….no matter…some day it will be better…just not time for that right now
everything happens when its supposed to…
thoughts on all the above….i know I am so vague…but I need encouragement to BELIEVE this pain will be remedied with time…I’m becoming very paranoid (and insomnia-driven) that something is seriously internally wrong….but I need to fix my body…I must BELIEVE that…on my own….but this sitting? Its difficult…not sure how to deal, just not sure…
This has been a “weekend” nonsense report…shall not be a routine thing…
Thank you for the sweet comment at my blog! I hope your weekend is wonderful!!
Offering support and sending healing thoughts your way
OUCH! That constant pain sounds beyond horrible. Of course, I don’t know much about your specific situation, but maybe it would help to get a second opinion from another doctor? Sometimes that alternate viewpoint can shed a new light on things. And hey, taking a daily walk sounds great! Think of it this way – how many people don’t/can’t even do that?
Your comments are so so very kind. I just distrust doctors now…and that is actually making things a lot harder for me. I feel like my mood, and my ability to even write on a blog with humor is difficult…even trying to watch a movie or read…I’m constantly in this kind of pain that I just pray will lessen…I feel so whiny…but god, its a degree of discomfort beyond anything I’ve ever had….no wonder my past witty, humorous personality is just…gone…I just can’t focus or care about anything anymore…my mind is constantly on this..
Thinking of you. I have a lot of digestive issues too and they actually caused a relapse with an eating disorder that I felt I had truly recovered from. Now I feel the same, I know they were there in the first place, but are they as bad as they are because of not eating to deal with them, or does eating make it worse? I don’t know if that is what you were saying, but I can relate to the chicken and the egg thing.
Don’t feel guilty about reading and TV! I think those are pretty healthy ways of taking your mind off the pain. 🙂
Thank you for checking out my blog, you’re comments were so nice 🙂
But I am sorry to hear about all of this pain you are experiencing! I agree with an above poster, perhaps a second opinion could help. I also know nothing about your medical history and condition but truly hope you feel better!
I saw that you read, Best Friends Forever, how was it?
Your* not you’re! ughhh I swear I know grammar haha
I thought it was a good book – very nice read. I also enjoyed another book Weiner wrote called “Fly Away Home”.
Thank you for visiting my blog, and the lovely comment! I’m sorry to read you are going through such a difficult time with your GI tract. I’m not familiar with your history but my Mom, and a friend both have went through these similar issues. Although, I see you fear doctors I would totally recommend seeing a specialist or homeopathic doctor to have testing done, eliminate processed foods, and possibly dairy from your diet. I wouldn’t say you are martyr for even considering taking care of your health!! As we get older, the chemistry in our bodies change, it can’t handle all that we do to it so we have to re-adjust. Eating higher fiber foods will really help your GI tract to digest easier. My one friend swears on top of her diet changes, acupuncture has really helped her. Do write about your issues because I am sure you will get feedback that could get you on the right track to feeling better. No one should have to live in such pain! I hope you feel better soon! Sending you positive and healthy vibes